There has recently been some confusion as to whether or not my cat, Ashes, is in fact Batman. I am here to set the record straight. He is not Batman, and here are some reasons why:
- Batman has opposable thumbs. My cat does not.
- Batman will not cuddle in your lap. My cat will.
- The phrase “cat and mouse” is more often than not only used figuratively in reference to Batman.
- Batman fights crime at night and poses as an international millionaire playboy by day. My cat sleeps at night and sleeps during the day.
- Batman’s arch-nemesis is the Joker. My cat’s arch-nemesis is our other cat, Chica.
- My cat eats kibble. Batman, by all accounts, eats people food.
- Batman has one servant: Alfred. My cat has three servants: me, my wife and my daughter.
- Batman roams the streets of Gotham City. My cat roams the living room and sometimes the backyard.
- To summon Batman, you turn on the Bat Signal. To summon my cat, you shake a bag of catnip and make kissy noises.
- My cat once suffered a severe urinary tract infection. Batman maintains above-average urinary health.
- Batman wears bulletproof body armor. My cat wears a flea collar.
- Batman has the Batarang, Batmobile, Batplane and Batcave. My cat has a bit of string he likes to bat around.
- My cat once killed a mouse. Batman does not kill.
Eggy Toast 